When I was a kid back in Mainland China, I didn't watch Disney movies nor read powdered up fairy tales. We read Hans Andersen's original fairytales in Simplified Chinese （安徒生童话).
The original stuff consisted of telling kids that Cinderella only got the prince because she is a duke's daughter. Yeah. I am not joking - the original stuff is so realistic, adults cringe upon reading them. 🤣 .
One of my favorite stories from Hans Andersen is a story called the Little March Girl, a story about how an impoverished girl from the underclass of some society, losing her life in the extreme cold of the winter, only to have used up match-sticks by her side when she passed from exposure. She sold match-sticks for a living.
Every vivid scene from that story, pestered my adult memory when I was sick, with lights of Christmas, the laughter of the girl's deceased grandmother, and a gigantic plate of higher class foods the girl couldn't afford... they all served as a reminder that I took my life for granted.
I sometimes still feel like the Higher Power wanted me to get something medically serious at 24, because He knows that I am the type of obdurate person that can only learn some lessons in life the HARD way...
When I was 18-24, I was an angry young adult. I was given many money-earning opportunities via my incredible corporate executive of a father, and squandered half of them, showing up to appointments late, not showing up, etc. I also didn't have a speaking relationship with my father either - deep down inside, I used his remorse of not being in my life and dedicating too much of his time at work, against him. I thought that my friends owed me companionship, for being a great friend, and that my parents owed me compensation for being sub par parents.
I never looked at what I had, only what I didn't have. And I had a lot... I also blamed God, for robbing my maternal grandparents from me when they passed away of cancer, when every other kid at the time, was going through the same thing.
I was no exception to experiencing misery... What made me so entitled? And full of gall?
At 24, I got diagnosed at the Peking University Shenzhen Hospital. The four long years of throwing up everyday, getting ulcers in my mouth so serious, I felt that my mouth was bleeding, etc., made me happy. It did. I was stripped away from being resourceful, funny, smart, "useful" to friends. I felt like I had nothing, but at the same time, I had everything. I even took courses towards my degree here and there, and working part-time in between medical treatments. I felt alive and well, even though my body suffered. I also met two incredible new friends, who finished their bachelors degrees, on time, in only four years.
Present day, I am confined in 800 CAD a month room in Mississauga in an old house that doesn't have proper heating. With the tiny portable mini heater from Amazon Basics, my heart is as warm as the room. I have a lot less materialistic goods because I want less. I learned two life times' worth of lessons in four years.
I am ready to contribute.
P.S. Special shout-out to my friends: Tasneem, Justin, Ray, Farishya, Veronica/Laura, Derek, Derrick, David, Gavin, Keith, Rhea, Megan, Sherry, Elizabeth, Amanda and Mike. Let me know how I can make your life better.
“我会变成巨人 踏着力气 踩着梦”
(Steve Jobs) "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice."